I'm back!

Well, he says I'm a genius. Now that I managed to use my blog again. Of course, he would have needed less than a minute to find out why it doesn't work - and that's what he tells me NOW, more than half a year after I couldn't sign in for the first time! Yeah Andy, I know that I'm clever.
What has changed? We're going to be married next year (I'm glad he accepted the fact that I won't go to Las Vegas to become his wife!) and things got less complicated, now that he seems to be faithful... I'm 25 now, but though I don't feel older, everybody asks me how it is to be 25! I'm not old... am I?
That's it for the moment! =o)

Sorry!

I'm so sorry that I haven't written new entries for ages! At moment there are so many things going on! Maybe I'm married in a few weeks and that's making me totally stoned!! University is also taking most of my time. But I promise: I'll be busy in the next time so you can read again about my life! :)

Your Jules

Now I don’t feel like dancing!

Everything hurts. My neck scratches. I have a headache. And what has happened during the last days is making me sick!

I only know: I never want to hear his voice again, see his face, smell the smell of his hair, feel the warmth of his skin. Unfortunately, this is impossible, because he stands in my kitchen and cooks tea for me!

Immediately he will come again, give me a kiss on the forehead, sit down beside my knees to stroke the hair from the face. He will tell me that he loves me. And then I will say that I also love him. Cause I am addicted to him.

Everything he has done, I can only forgive him.

Home alone again

I love hairdresser's visits! Indeed, I must get used to the shorter hair, but I like it. And it has not even cost a lot of money.

On this weekend Andy was in Hamburg. Unfortunately, I could not accompany him. Therefore, I put myself with a cup of tea and the cover on the couch yesterday evening. I watched Final Destination 3 - and it is not differently than the second.

This morning I was woken up by a ring. I was a matter oversleeping to the door. Andy returned former than expected and had not found his key.

At the moment we watch another film together (Final destination 1) and that's exactly why I will stop writing now!

Guilty!

She is gone. It is my guilt. He knows it. He does no reproaches to me. But he is furious. Will he say a word? No.

These are the thoughts which go through my head. I’m sitting in my study. I am never here. Now I am. It stinks of smoke and the ashtray is full. And I am depressed.

Ann is gone. I should be lucky… I went to her, shouted at her, she should keep out of our life. She was furious and argued some bad things. For example, to me it would not be about Andy. I would not love him for a long time any more and only use him.

My reaction was shining hatred. Meanwhile I know nothing more about that what I have said. I also do not want to know it. Already two hours later she was away.

But before she did, she made clear to me that she loves him really. Wonderfully. Now I have come again to this annoying point. I am worried. Another woman wants my friend. Why???

Irony

I am back from the test camp. I am completely tired. And I can just shake my head about all that.
About half an hour ago I opened the door to our flat. Andy could not anticipate how sour I was. And how silly I had been.

When I went to the test camp yesterday morning, I anticipated nothing bad. I was glad about two days with the orchestra. And with my friends. Andy had promised to clear up a little and to work, while I was away. Since last week I trust him blind. This is a fatal mistake.
On Friday evening there came an astonishing phone call of Mary. "Ann is here. Next door. With Antony." I let the listener sink and tried to catch a clear thought. This was not possible. Ann was Andy's ex-friend. And she had no reason to appear here. Except one.
This irony! My second name is also Ann.

"Everything okay?" Andy shouted from the kitchen. "Yes". I answered monotonously. He might get to know I didn't tell him the truth. Indeed, I had calmed down fast again.

When I surfed in the evening on the Internet, I was suddenly surprised by Andy's absence. Where was he?

I ran down and shouted after him. After a few seconds he came out behind the house wall. With a cigarette in his hand. " What is wrong? " he asked startled. "Nothing". I said, but my voice broke. " I have only missed you. " Affectionately he took my face in his hands and kissed me. " I won’t leave you alone. "

I had such fear, he could cheat me again. The test camp was great, til Steph, a good friend, told me about Ann. She was supposed here to look for Andy. This rumour finishes me. What should I do? I entered the flat. Andy received me smiling, however, he knows that something is not right.

He knows that Ann is there. I feel this. And he knows that he cannot resist her.

Weekend!

Today I had to go to university again. Without Andy. It was quite strenuous to follow because I have missed an amount during the pair of days.

Andy has driven me this morning and has taken the worry from me. And again I ask myself: What would I do without him?

I am soon ready with the study and I still don’t know what to do with my life then.

The cat has destroyed a piece of our carpet again. In the middle of the night I have perceived all at once a funny noise; but there it was also already too late. I was simply sour! We do not have the money to renovate. Including a new carpet.

Because I had to call off the shopping tour last week, I will be in the city today. In plain English: I’m doing something for my cupboard! Andy's credit card won't like it. But he understands this.

I'm listening to sad music again. The weather leaves much to be desired for my taste! Such love songs are even in my mood not the best. Now I will clean the apartment because I am away tomorrow. Test camp. My God, I hate this...

Winter-wonderland

Andy hat es – dank eines weiteren arbeitsfreien Tages – mal wieder geschafft, meinen Blog zu übersetzen. Deshalb ist dieser Post auf Deutsch… Ich denke, dass die nächsten wieder auf Englisch sein werden, aber das wird sich finden.

ES IST KALT!!! Ich friere mir sämtliche Körperteile ab weil die Heizung kaputt ist. Wir wohnen in einem 4-Mieter-Haus am Stadtrand von Birmingham und sind eindeutig die einzigen, die sich um die Temperatur kümmern. Der Freak von nebenan (das ist der mit/ohne Schlüssel und dem Alk-Prob!) interessiert sich dafür eh nicht, die Kleinfamilie von oben stört sich auch nicht daran und die Alleinlebende Frau von unten… Na ja *no comment*

Ich kann wieder vernünftig laufen – was für meinen Schatz trotzdem kein Grund ist aufzuhören, mich ständig festhalten zu müssen (!) – und habe auch kaum noch Schmerzen. Allgemein bin ich im Moment ziemlich Happy!

Es scheint hier irgendwie immer kälter zu werden… Muss Andy mich halt noch ein bisschen wärmen… Es ist eben schön jemanden zu haben, den man liebt und dem man vertraut. In dessen Armen man sich einfach fallen lassen kann.

Übrigens- das hier habe ich vorhin gefunden. Ist es nicht süß??

My personal romance

J-Ann is back in Life! Yesterday I had to go to hospital again, and as far as they could tell me, my chest is healing very well. My ankle needs just a bit more time. I’m aloud to stay home for a few more days. Actually I wanted to post this entry and visit the messenger yesterday. But Andy had a sweet little surprise for me… But let me tell you the whole story.

When I left the hospital, my little blue Clio waited at the car park. Andy leaned against it and greeted me with a “How are you?” I smiled. Typical Andy. “I’ll be all right soon.” He grinned. “I knew it.” “And why did you ask then?” “Formal question. But – stay careful!” I gave him a slap. He pulled me into his arms and gave me kiss.

I didn’t wonder about his happiness. It all turned out great in the last days.

When we arrived back home, I noticed some changes. He had rearranged the furniture in our apartment. But not only this. He decorated everything completely new! It’s looking unbelievable great! I love it.

The rest of the day we chilled in our living room. The sofa is still green, but the curtains are violet now and this makes the room… new.

Maybe he is the man of my life… And a marriage would not be the mistake I regard it as? My mom would love me for that…

Sorry, I’m in this romantic mood now. Everybody around me seems to marry at moment. Even my friends do and somehow I’m a bit jealous. Mom is telling me at each conversation how happy she would be if Andy would marry me. I don’t want to know what she’s telling him…

Usually he doesn’t say much about this topic. He told me just one time that it’s my decision. But I should remember that we don’t get younger. Hm – somewhere I know this from… He’s 29 years old, I’m 24 – so, where’s the problem?

Coffee!!!

Oh, my, GAWWWWD! I’m so tired… It was a really short night! At 12 o’clock in the evening we went to bed, three hours later someone rang the doorbell. Andy went to the door. Result: our totally drunken neighbour couldn’t find his key! I was a bit… angry. He wanted to come in; luckily Andy told him that it wasn’t a good idea!

When I slept in again, it was 4 o’clock. I’m still so tired. I drank two cups of coffee and it’s just getting better now. Andy went to the city centre, visiting a friend. I’m going to call my mom now, listening to a few boring stories.

Yesterday Chris – my brother – called to tell me, that he just left hospital. He had little probs with alcohol… Although he still lives in Sydney, my mom has no control about him. He’s 19 years old but wrong friends made him a bit… crazy.

That’s all for now, I just have to wake up and then have a little conversation with mom…

Oh, I forgot, here's a little poem I like:

As I wake by your side,

My feelings for you I can not hide,

I touch your face in the morning light,

Being with you just feels so right

You make me feel like I'm a queen,

Like being inside an awesome dream,

Although this is real, that I know,

As the love that surrounds us continues to grow

I think of what the future holds...

Marriage, children, us growing old,

And as I lay, with you dear,

I'm just so glad you're mine, you're here.

- Jo Pye -